Relationship counselling focuses on the interrelational dynamics between two or more people. This process can be helpful for working through issues and understanding each other better.

While many people think of romantic relationships (e.g., couples therapy), relationship counselling can also be helpful for families and platonic friendships.

At this time, I am only able to offer relationship counselling to dyads (groups of two people).

Relationship counselling is unique from individual counselling. Here are some things to know:

The relationship is the client, not each of you individually.

My focus is on the well-being of the relationship that exists between you rather than your individual needs. Ongoing individual therapy with your own separate therapist is almost always encouraged in tandem with relationship counselling.

Structure

My goal is to provide a safe place to do meaningful work. This becomes more complex when working with more than one person. Structure helps me be more effective at helping you reach your relationship goals.

You may notice times when it looks like I am “sitting back” during conflict, whereas I’m intentionally observing the relationship dynamic to gain a better understanding. Other times, you may notice that I am intervening like a referee, which typically occurs if I believe the dynamic is becoming unproductive. I may even suggest that one or both individuals take a break from time to time, whether it’s for a few minutes or for the remainder of the session.

There will likely be times when one or both of you feels I am favouring the other. Please trust that I am always using my best clinical judgment for the best interests of the relationship. That said, I am always open to honest feedback and course-correction when I am wrong.

Scheduling

I strongly recommend starting off with 4-6 sessions scheduled weekly (or at least bi-weekly) in order to gain some traction. Two of those sessions will be individual sessions with me so each person can speak to their issues without the pressure of the other being present. I may occasionally recommend sessions that are longer than the typical 50-minute length, though the final decision is up to you (and subject to availability).

Scheduling frequency is often adjusted once the relationship dynamic feels more stable, then gradually tapered off (e.g., once a month, once per quarter, a yearly “check up”) for ongoing maintenance.

The “NO SECRETS” Policy

Secrets that are clinically relevant undermine the health of the relationship (e.g., infidelity, substance abuse, safety issues). For relationship counselling to be effective, relevant secrets will need to be disclosed. I will use my best judgment as to whether, when, and to what extent these secrets will be shared. I may encourage and support an individual to reveal the secret themselves, or co-create a plan to do so together.

This policy helps to prevent a conflict where an individual’s interests don’t match the needs of the relationship. If I am not permitted to maintain this “no secrets” policy, it may place me in a situation where it would be unethical for us to continue our work together.